it has been decided that from now on I will post poetry, of which I have a plethora, instead of Entertaining and Well-Articulated thoughts, of which I have few. everything will be from this school year & I will probably intersperse older things with current pieces until I'm caught up

mostly this is a good way for me to keep track of poems and also makes forcing my friendz to read my writing more convenient for all parties involved
pls enjoy

Is It Ok If You Still Sort of Believe In Magic Like Not Completely But You Still Sometimes Check the Mail For a Hogwarts Letter– You found a jar of your teeth in the medicine cabinet when you were eight and figured out it wasn't actually a fairy slipping change underneath your pillow, but sometimes you still stare really hard at objects and expect them to move. Extra credit available if you join your school's quidditch team. 

Am I Actually Special Or Is That Just A Thing My Mom Says– Only homework for the class is a well-developed paragraph each week on any insecurities you might be facing. Professor will return work to you with smiley face stickers and encouraging comments about your unique thoughts and talents which no one else possesses. No red pens allowed. 

The Oxford Comma– Just a chill sesh led by that cool TA with the long hair. Class will mostly be spent listening to Vampire Weekend and reading Ezra Koenig's tweets aloud. 

Queen B, One Direction, and Pizza: The Internet and Its Absolute Power– Lecture will examine the arduous road to becoming Loved By The Internet and the merciless punishment doled out to anyone who dares question the outcome. Curriculum will begin with a series of essays titled "I Had No Idea Women Had a Right to Privacy Until J Law's Nudes Leaked"

Intermediate Studies in Facebook Moms– Will be discussing the currently known varieties of Facebook Moms with a focus on Wine Joke Moms and Moms Who Love America and Jesus. 

Hangovers: A Scientific Mystery– Debunking myths surrounding hangover cures with a particular concentration on the Just Drink More Water fable. Opportunities for undergraduate research in the field available. 

When Ur Faves R Problematic: Recognizing the Humanity of Celebrities– Course will cover main incidents in the past  five years of celebrity errors that made us *just* uncomfortable enough to tweet about them. Final will be a research paper describing proper steps to take after the "I support equal rights for men and women but I'm not a feminist" statement.

Developing Quirky Hobbies to Talk About at Parties– Will explore an unusual hobby each week, including: roller derby, woodworking, collecting rare comic books, card tricks, restoring 14th century pottery from South Asia, playing the accordion.

Buzzfeed: "Journalism" or Horrifying Blight Upon Humanity– Self explanatory.

Small Talk and How to Have It– Will include weekly challenges to exercise skills taught during lecture, such as sitting next to someone at a coffee shop even when there are plenty of empty tables available, arriving to class early to ask the professor how his son's piano recital went, going on a blind date with someone majoring in accounting, getting a haircut.

Why Do I Miss Pluto So Much– We don't know, but we miss him too. We miss him too.


honorable mentions:

How Many Diet Cokes Is Too Many Diet Cokes
Intro to Research: Traveling Beyond the First Page of Google
The Line Between Good and Evil In the Context of Memes
What Cheese Will Make Me Seem the Fanciest

You know that one thing everyone in the entire universe seems to be head over heels in love with and you just can't seem to understand the appeal (Johnny Depp, Breaking Bad, that Kim K app that has actually stolen the lives and attention spans of many a friend of mine)? For me, it was the beach. Much Smaller Rachel marveled over the way others worshipped what seemed to me a day of accumulating grit onto your entire being and avoiding slimy things that touched your ankles when you were least expecting it. Descriptions of azure waves that sparkled beneath the sun like gemstones weren't fooling me. I was convinced the beach was nothing more than a convenient excuse to read a lot with no questions asked.

I find beach trips a lot more pleasant ten years later, which I assumed was mostly because it's a nice break from whatever routine I've wrapped myself in and a good place to be with friends. Driving back from St. Augustine last night, though, the sun in my chest, a thin shield of sand and salt embedded in my hair and skin, and shoulders beginning to burn, I wondered if it was something else. Existing within the sun all day has a curious effect on the body and mind, a distinct marriage between exhaustion and deep satisfaction remarkably similar to that felt after a day of hard work. A beach trip leaves you tired, satisfied, and covered in dirt, like true labor. I think the reason we're so drawn to the beach is that it offers all the positives of hard work with none of the actual hard work. There's a vague feeling of productivity that comes from being by the ocean that seems to have no understandable source. And I wonder if there is some deserved accomplishment inherent in the simple act of enjoying the physical universe, particularly a piece so beautiful. Emerson wrote that "the happiest man is he who learns from nature the lesson of worship", and we certainly worship that great swath of horizon. With good reason, I think.

To sunburns and tangled hair,

Rachel

I'd like this blog to be a place for honesty and in the spirit of that honesty, I feel like it's only fair to tell you that my expectations for the future of this enterprise are extremely low. Below sea level probably. Down somewhere with the underwater volcanoes and giant squids. You may be thinking, "rachel, where's that unrelenting sense of optimism you claimed to have in your bio???hm????"
Well, Accusatory Blog Reader, my first lesson for you is this: every single bio is a lie. A harsh truth, I know, but a necessary piece of information if you ever find yourself making an eharmony account in the midst of a midlife crisis.

Anyways, I can't promise to be reliable or articulate or even kind-of-funny, but I can promise to share things that will at best, make you laugh and at worst, make you deeply grateful to not be me. Which really isn't such a bad gift.

With that in mind, I wanted to use this first post to introduce myself, so I've included a few highlights from the journal I kept during my senior year of high school below because that seems like a totally normal thing for someone who understands personal boundaries to do.

They are filled with grace, humility, and profound commentary on the human condition. I hope they allow you some insight into my character.

Aug. 19th– This music is v autumnal. I'm picturing slow motion running through red and orange leaves, knit sweaters, golden retrievers. Kind of putting me in the mood to watch Homeward Bound and wave an American flag tbh

Aug. 28th– My teacher is lecturing us about penmanship but I kind of like holding pens incorrectly. It's an endearing flaw. Much cuter than like, a crippling fear of commitment.

Sept. 21st– My friend brought lasagna to a party saturday night and that was the best part of my weekend

Oct. 7th– How do you spell weird? wierd weird wierd weird

Nov. 3rd– Kind of hated myself for being 110% basic this halloween but also I took a great mirror selfie that night so
you win some you lose some

Nov. 17th– he's honestly so perfect and he texts me the nicest things
*text being referenced was "you're not a disappointment"

Dec. 12th– We are listening to Michael Buble right now and I am profoundly disgusted. I literally feel nauseous right now. I would rather listen to Celine Dion than this.

Dec. 13th– We are listening to Celine Dion today and I take it all back

Jan. 30th– kind of embarrassed I forgot to wash the x's off my hands before school but also kind of hope my class thinks I am a rly cool person who reads poetry on fire escapes and goes to bars on Sunday nights

March 21st– today I feel like I have molasses on my brain

April 3rd– This song sounds like a bathtub and nothing else

May 23rd– My speech for this class is really good. Hopefully everyone will be there to hear it. The last paragraph about being humble is my fave
*can you spot the irony

May 28th– Last day of high school. Feeling extremely cheated because no one played "Don't You (Forget About Me)" from a boombox while I strolled across the football field. at least my teacher made us brownies